Fear[terror]

I was going through some older poetry the other day,  looking for some gems. I went through notebook after notebook, and aside from ones I’d already picked for this blog or my book of poems I’m putting together. I didn’t like any of them. Then came the fear.The fear I’m no good at this thing called writing. I had fear I was below adequate at this, my dream. I began to wonder how long I could pull off this sham. I eventually put the books away in disgust, found something else to occupy my time and got my mind off the junk I had just read. The day passed and I screwed up my courage to delve back into the tomes of crap I’d written. To my surprise they had suddenly, overnight become better. I was proud to read them and know I had written them. They had gone from crap to gold(or maybe copper) overnight. Had the literary fairy come and sprinkled some creative dust on them or had she slipped something in my morning coffee. Either way they were better!  I jest, but I think I’ll always have that. The fear that I suck. I read a passage in one of those notebooks from around 8 yrs. ago, and one line stuck out, There was a list of things I love, writing, learning, loving and at the end of the list there was a wish. “I wish I could write better.” It was staring back at me as though I had just written it this morning. There it was, the fear that my words were not good enough. Here I was though reading the same stuff and finding it to be pretty darn good. I think  I’m always nervous, that these words that come from my soul will never be good enough, but then there are the days when you have that supreme confidence and you remember the feeling you had when you wrote that poem or sentence, and you were proud of it, and you knew it was good. Like anything in life, confidence ebbs and flows I think sometimes when it’s ebbing you need to just step away for a while. Maybe while you sleep the literary fairy will come and make your words shine again!

About Derek Rizzo

Author and poet since I remember, I finally decided to live my dream. I'm writing a fantasy novel. Follow-me to share my progresses and glimpses of my story as it comes to life.

Posted on February 21, 2013, in About the Author, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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